There’s an AMAZING new camera about to be released….
I have a crystal ball. I can see and I know the future. For I am the wise man.
Gather round my friends, for I shall tell you what you seek to know
Before we begin, there’s 2 things you must know of the wise man*.
1) he is wise
2) he is a man
There is an AMAZING new camera soon to be released. It will be perfect. It does indeed lurk in the dark misty pools of the future, dwelling deep and hidden from the world above, it will at some point arise up to the light, breaking the surface tensions of expectation and conjeture, finally available to only the chosen few special photographers of extraordinary ability. And also available on 0% finance from B&H/Jessops, or fractionately cheaper with no credit from amazon.
But my assembled friends, before you begin your quest to obtain this golden bar of unobtainium, there be things you must know of this promised hallowed vessel.
When first it appears, it will be expensive. Much crunching of numbers and buttering up of spouses must be made in order to pursue your dream
When this mythical mag-alloy block finally lands, it will be applauded by all.
Reviewers will fawn over it, girls will want to date it and boys will want to be it.
But alas, there will dissenters amongst the ranks.
Steve Huff and Ken Rockwell will tell tales it’s the best camera ever. Then later will change their minds.
Shortly afterwards a small flaw will become apparent, alas my friends I cannot tell you what, for the mists of prediction are dense, and the mistress of specifics is tight lipped…. But I can tell you this, it will be a minor flaw, only apparent under a very particular set of circumstances… perhaps something like high noise levels when making 5 minute exposures. But this flaw will be there, and the internet will go batshit about it, despite the evil never actually manifesting itself to 99.999999% of all photographers
The manufacturer will be as golden as a Pharaoh’s casket in their response to the problem issuing a global recall, yet still people will bitch and moan bitch and moan bitch and moan (Or possibly deny and deny for a great many years)
However, then something abhorrent will transpire, something so dark and depraved that I shudder to my core to even mention it….
People will find something they much, much, much preferred about their earlier cameras…. Perhaps it will be NR @ high ISO, perhaps it will be the tone curves of the inbuilt jpeg profiles or an apparently wonky polar cold auto WB.
Please forgive my lack of specifics… but I assure you, this fault will be there.
At about this time, the first dissenters will abandon ship, rushing, humbled and ashamed back to their previous brands or even risking all with a new one. They will bad mouth this AMAZING camera, using terms such as “WTF” and “haven’t manufacturers learnt yet”
Around this time, the stores will offer the first discounts, the manufacturer will offer the first rebates. Some other manufacturer will make an AMZING camera that has a killer spec, and ‘Togs the world over, will eff off to buy that instead
By now, only the most die hard worshipper of the original AMAZING camera will still be smitten…
Finally this AMAZING camera will be available to all, in every store, far cheaper than it’s launch price and readily available on the second hand market for rather less coin than when it first came out.
And that my friends, that is the time to renew the quest afresh… for that is the time to seize the wonder and captivation of the next mythical AMAZING camera, for surely this will be THE camera of cameras, the prince among men, the unity quantifier of all that is purveyed, the one and only true grail that ye shall seek, and it’s news will be heralded by the rumour site prophets.
Seriously if you’re happy with your pictures, get off the GAS wagon. If you’re not, try getting a book on technique or spending your hard earned on visiting a photographically interesting destination
So let’s pick up the camera we have and go and take some pictures!
*yeah I lifted that from Blackadder. Bite me.
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